Chapter 24

“You can see him now.” It was the doctor. He showed me the way to the room they had Frank’s body. They had covered him with a white sheet, but he was still wearing the hospital green robe. “You can enter” The doctor gave a painful look. My eyes where sore form crying and body felt like if I had being beat up. I walked slowly to the operation table. I stood there. They had take off the tubes. But He had this big bandage around his head. His eyes close, his body cold. Dead. “Hi.” I said my voice still shaky. I felt the tears coming down again. I breathe deeply. I touch his hand slightly. He was so cold. I started to caressing his face. So cold “Why, Frankie?” I started to cry again. My chest moving violently from the sobs. I stay there a while, don’t know how much. I took his hand and put it on my cheek. “What am I going to do with out you??” I let the tears come again, more freely. “Why did you have to sign that stupid order!!! Now look at me I’m nothing. NOTHING with out you!!!” I felt on my knee and rest my head on his dead body. I held him. “You’re so cold” I felt t a touch on my shoulder. “Gerard” It was Frank mother voice. “Gerard. You have to leave” I didn’t response. “I love you Frankie” I held his hands strongly against my cheek, and kissed it. “Gerard?” She raised her voice a little but not in a angry way. “Give me a fucking minute!!!” I keep kissing Frank cold hand. I heard her getting closer. “Honey, you’ve been here almost two hours” “Don’t honey me!” I kept sobbing on Frank’s hand She touch my shoulder again “C’mon” From the sound of her voice I knew she was crying too. “Let go…” “Nooo. please, don’t make me do that” I was pleading. “We have to…” She pull me a little, but I still have his hand in mine. “What am I going to do??” I was talking more to Frank than to her. “We’ll carry on, honey…. “ The pain in her voice was to much. “How?” “I don’t know…” there was a silence “C’mon, It’s time to let go.” She push me a little more, to her side, and slowly I was letting go of Frank’s hand. The cold that Frank’s hand was imprinting me started to vanish. I panicked. I let go myself form her hand and hold Frank body one more. “Frank wake up…” I told him into his ear. I raise my face to watch his pale face. No answer. I could hear Mrs. Iero sobs form behind. “Frank…” I started to shake the cold body. “Frank wake up!!” I was shaking him more and more. I felt a pair of strong hand pulling me apart. “Let go” It was a man voice I didn’t recognize. It was a nurse man. “Noooooooooooooooooooo” I cried. He pulled me out of the room. I felt to the floor. Mrs. Iero ran to me and held me on the floor “I’m sorry!” I didn’t know why she was apologizing to me. I just cried in her shoulder. She had lost her only son I had lost my only love She separated from my grip I pull out something from his pocket when I was a little more calm. It was a letter. My chest hurt form the sobs, form the pain eating me inside out. “Listen. Dr. Powers gave me this” She clean her tears and help me to stand. “Is from him” She didn’t tell his name, it was too painful for her. “He left one to everyone of his friends, all the guys, Jamie, Brian, Me, his father, and you of course” I took it and nodded. “Read it when you’re ready okay?” She hugged me one last time and left. It was only after the funeral that I was able to open the letter. He was buried in Jersey. It was a beautiful day, there was a little of sun. I almost panicked, when the coffin was getting inside the ground, but Mrs. Iero hand helped me form fading. I enter the car, that was taking me to my parents house. I went to my old room and let myself fall on the bed. I pulled the letter form my pocket and opened with shaky hands. Gee-tard! So, if you’re reading, that mean the operation was screewwwed!!! So I’m fucking dead. Dead is just another step Gerard, remember that please, and if you’re thinking in some shit like following me, erase that form your head dude! I’ll be pretty mad f I find you here in hell, I’ll kick your ass back. Gerard, you know how much I love you? Well, I do, I always did. Getting back together was the greatest thing ever. Don’t ever blame yourself of nothing, “things happen for a reason” that was my Grandmother used to say. But I’ll always be with you, always. In every song you sing, in every coffee you take…I’ll be watching you, shit that sounds like The Police freaking song! I could almost hear him giggling. I could help but smiled. I’m going to miss you, and I know you’re going to miss me too, but it will pass, maybe you’ll find someone else. Maybe I’ll find a way to go back. I’m always going back again with you. You’re the greatest person I’ve ever met, the smartest, the cutest, the sexiest, the most adorable human being ever. I love you. I’ll always love you… Frank. I just laid there for hours, the pain was too fresh, I thought it will never pass. Now it had been 1 year since Frank’s death. My life almost went to the sink again. But, He didn’t want that, I know that from whatever he was he was with me. I could feel his presence everywhere, in the kitchen, in the bedroom, on the bus, in the studio, always my angel with me. I’ll live for you Frank, because that what you want me to do. Now a year has assed. The band took a break, but were back again, and I’m sitting here in front of this mirror, doing my make up, and I missed you more that ever. Matt Cortez has taken his place, but it will never be the same. I looked at my self in the mirror once more. I feel you near… Angel.
Help me past thought the night.
I close my eyes. I can almost feel a sweet wind touching my cheek.
Frank.
I opened my eyes but there is nothing.