Chapter 17

Frank POV So weeks past, Gerard, me and the guys worked on songs. I felt good, besides my limitations on playing, I was kind of working again. Mikey and I worked things out. I understand he was mad at me for making his brother suffer. He also told me the state that Gerard was in. And weeks passed and Gerard and I were friends again. We hung around, we saw movies together, went to Starbucks together, had lunch together, and by the time started to past, the bad memories were replaced by new memories, good memories. I felt comfortable in his presence again, and he felt comfortable in mine. We had a couple more talks about the past, about going though hard situations, about what we were thinking at that time, what we did wrong. About Lind-Z, about Jamie, about everything.
So one day, Dr Emma, called me and asked me to go to the Hospital. “Come in,” I entered her office, this month she and Brian had broke up and back together at least three times. It was so funny they fight for the tiniest and stupidest things. “How have you been doing?” She asked me as I sat down in the chair in front of her. “Fine,” I said without emotion.“So… I had a date for your surgery and here's what you asked me” She was serious. She handled me a paper. “Oh yes,” I said looking at the paper. “So from here in three weeks okay,” She said looking at her laptop. “Yeah,” I was going to sign the paper, when she held my hand and stopped me. “Frank, we have talked of this a lot of times, you understand all the risk and all the chances right?” “Yeah.” “And you still want to sign that??” She pointed the paper. “Absolutely,” She let my hand free and I signed it without a second thought. “Okay. I had to try one last time.” “It’s okay,” I was standing ready to leave. “Ehmm.. How is..” “Brian?” She looked at the computer. “Is He…” “He’s in Australia touring with a little band he manages” “Oh. Of course…” “C´mon!” I raised my voice. She looked scared.“What?!!” “You two fight for the most stupid things in the world.” “It's complicated” “Really?” I said mockingly, nothing was more complicated than my previous relationship with Gerard. “I’m an expert in strange situations. Shoot.” I sat back. She smiled a little. “My boyfriend is back form Africa” My mouth dropped to the floor. “I mean, ex-boyfriend, He was working for the ONU in Kenya, and he’s back, he kind of wants me back.” “And you left my boy for the doctor.” “Brian..." I saw a sparkle in her eyes at the mention of his name ”….He's not serious about us.” “Oh." Stupid Brian. “Steve is. He wants something more.” “How do you know he's not serious?” “Because at the moment I told him about Steve he wished me good luck and left,” Her face was serious now. Stupid Brian. “Maybe He thought you were breaking with him.” “I told him!” She was upset now, like if she was remembering. “What do you want with me? Is there a future!???” “Okay okay. You asked him. He is a guy, he probably freaked out.” She sighed. “Anyway. The nurse will give you some indications for the surgery, okay?” “Yeah.” “Take care, Frank.” “You too….and Emma?” I said from the door. “Yes?” “Brian is kind of stupid sometimes,” I thought for a moment. “Sometimes you have to tell him things in the face.” She just smiled and I left.
I went to Gerard's apartment. We were going to met the Taking Back Sunday guys, to listen to their new album. When I got there he was watching ER. “I'm just going to finish my lunch.” He told me when he opened the door for me. “Okay.” I sat on the couch. These past moths have been like this, us hanging around, enjoying being friends. It's like nothing never happened, we never fell in love, we never had an affair, he never left me, I never had the accident. It had been a bad dream, a nightmare, and we woke up. “Dr. Kovac is hot,” He said looking at the screen and eating his pasta. He has cut his hair again and it was very black . “Yeah, I guess so.” He has a no resuscitation order. You can do that Luka. “Gerard,” It was time to tell him. “Yeah?” All his attention was on the screen and Dr. Kovac trying to save a kid that has a no resuscitation order." “I have one of those,” I said looking at the screen too. “A sexy Croatian? He said with a smirk. I smiled. “No,” I took a deep breath. “A no resuscitation order.” “Ah?” He was suddenly looking at me with the fork half way to his mouth. I just looked to the floor. “Okay,” He left the plate. I raise my head and looked at him. I couldn’t read his expression. “I understand.” I knew he would. “After the accident, I understand you don’t want to be like that” I knew he would understand my reason. “Thanks.” “I guess I should get one of those also”. He looked at the TV again. There were a couple of minutes of silence. “Okay, we should be going know,” We stood. “Gerard, wait, there is something else.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “What?” He sound annoyed. “Emma thinks I need a surgery. Actually, in three weeks we are going to do it.” I looked at my shoe. He didn’t say anything. I didn’t have to see his face to know how his face was like. He had got the whole situation. “She said that after the surgery I’ll be okay again.” “That’s great. Let’s go.” He grabbed his coat. I grabbed his arm, I knew him, that expression He was trying to avoid reality. “Listen, it's a very risky surgery, not all people wake up and…” “I get it!” He suddenly yelled at me. “I have to do it,” I said looking at his eyes. “I know,” His voice was a whisper. I was expecting for him to say something else. He raised his hand in the direction of my face, as if he was going to stroke my cheek. “You’re going to be okay.” His hand landed in my shoulder, I felt a rush of disappointment. We left the house and got into the car.He started the engine, looked at the road for a second and repeated, “You’re going to be okay.” “Totally.” I felt a cold wind in my back, suddenly I realized. I was so afraid, of loosing the life I was taking back again, of no playing again, of dying, of loosing my friends, of loosing him?