Chapter 15

Several months had passed since Frank awoke. With the help of Mikey I was clean and sober again. I felt myself again, comfortable in my own skin, in the solitude, in the pain I had found myself again. I open a door that was close for a long time and find a man sitting in a dark room. It was me, the real version of me. He was lost but I found it and he forgave himself and forgave Lind-Z.
So one day I woke up and decide to face him. The last part in this chapter that needed to be closed it. It was painful to close that book named Frank, but it was even more painful leave the wound open and let it bleed. I decided to go to his mother’s house in Jersey. He was staying there for a while.
I couldn’t predict his reaction, but I had to try I had to talk to him.
So there I was standing in front of his mother’s house. I rang the bell.
“Yes?” It was Mrs. Iero.
“Hello. It’s Gerard.” There was a silence.
“Just a second”
After a couple of minutes she opened the door. She stood there; there was something in her face.
“Hello, Mrs. Iero”. I said very polite. “Is Frank home?”
“Yes” And before I said anything else. “But he doesn’t want to see you.”
“Oh. I understand. Maybe you could not tell him is me” I said scratching my head.
“I don’t think so.” She was being hard.
“Please. This is very important. I really need to talk to him”
“I don’t think there is anything else he needs from you.” I was paralyzed. Did she know? She probably read my expression
“I know everything.” Damn it.
“Everything you did to my son” She continued, her face had a dark expression.
“I’m sorry. I really am.” I looked at the floor.
“I thought you were his friend.”
I lift my head. “I want to be again”
“You turned him into….into…”She closed her eyes for a second. “Into this” She looked disgusted. What?
“I didn’t turn him into anything” Now I was looking at her in the eyes, what was she talking about?
“And after you confused him, you leave him!”
“We loved each others”. I said with conviction.
“You don’t know how to love, you made him believe it was love, it was just all your sick perversion. That was it!!”
I raised my voice, “With all the respect you deserve, but..”
“You’re wrong” It was Frank. He probably had listened to the whole thing. His mother turned round to see him standing in the hallway. He was wearing pajamas and no shoes. “What Gerard and I had, it was love mum” He was calm.
“Frankie dear, you were confuse” She looked horrified. “He!!!!” She pointed at me. “He confused you”
“No mum” He smiled sadly. “He didn’t I was like this before”
“No”. She started to cry. “You don’t know what you’re talking about”
He approached to her.
“I know I’m not what you expect from a son, but I….”
“No honey!” She held him. “I love you the same” She hold even tightly. “Just give me time okay” She suddenly disappeared into the house.

He came to the door. He was so cute in those pajamas. He scratched his head.
“Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay.”
“Come in.”
We entered and he went to the kitchen. He didn’t ask me anything and put a mug with coffee in front off me. I just took it.
“Thank you.”
“She’s just getting used that her son’s gay or bisexual, well everything but straight.” I smiled and took out a box of cigarettes form my pocket.
“Emmm. I’m trying to leave it,” he said pointing at the cigarettes.
My eyes grew bigger than the moon. He smiled.
“Good luck with that” I put it back in my pocket.
“So she knows everything?” I took a sip of my coffee
“Does it bother you?”
“No actually. She must hate me. Right?”.
“She’s my mum, I’ll be worried other wise” He made a funny expression with his mouth. I just nodded.
“Where were you all this time?” I was surprised by his question.
I think for a moment and play with the spoon on the table. “I was…dealing with….I was searching my soul” I finally said.
He didn’t react at all. “And did you find it??”
“Yeah”
“It feels great doesn’t it?” He took another sip of his coffee.
“Yeah” I said and He looked into the distance. “I read that you get the divorce.”
I sigh. “Yeah. I never thought I’ll be a divorced guy. I feel old.”
“You are old.”
“30 is like the new 20.”
“Yeah .For trees.”
He giggle and I laughed.
We look at each other and for a moment we were back at that point when nothing was damage.
“Listen” He began.
“No” I cut him out. “Frank, I know my place now”
He breathed deeply trying to figured out what was coming
“I’m not going to tell, ask you or beg you to come back, to love me again. I came to close the book”
He made an expression. I knew he was saying What fucking book.
“Your book: the Frank’s book. I want you to know that of all the people I have been with, of all the people I have love in my life, you’re always going to be …” I thought for a moment “… Frank”
“You’re always going to be Frankie” I smiled.
“And even though our relationship was the most dysfunctional and not normal, and sick, it made me so happy.” I close my eyes remembering. “Truly happy. I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you that at the correct moment. I’m sorry if you didn’t know, that you were the person I loved the most” I said loved, but I wasn’t so sure about that.
He was about to say something, but I had to finish.
“And all the smiles you gave, all the kisses we shared, all the love, I’ll carry always with me, even if you decide to forget our friendship too”
I finished, I felt so free. I was carrying a big burden and now I was free to run again
He smiled at me.
“I hated you, you know?” He took a sip of his coffee. “It was easy to hate you, blame you” He looked at the window. “Everything was Gerard’s fault; Lind-Z’s fault. I blamed the entire world, except me.”
“But…”
“No, Gerard.” I listened to him.
“Nobody forced me to drink and drive that day”
“You weren’t thinking…”
“Yeah. But I fell in a big hole where I lost myself. I could just be mad, cry, hate you and follow with my life. But I lost the notion of me and I tried to punish you.”
He noticed my surprised expression.
“Look what you are doing to me, I wanted you to felt guilty, to suffer like I was suffering, but the more I tried the more you ignoring me.” He looked at his cup.
“I was suffering like that too. That’s why I took the pills again. It was the easy way of forgetting everything.”
“Yeah.” There was silence for a moment.
“I know I’ve said this a lot, but I’m sorry.” I didn’t say it in a painful way, I just said it.
“I forgive you. I forgave you months ago. I wanted to tell you that.”
“I wanted to heard it.”
We smiled at each other. Even then, perfect for each others.
In everyway, as a band mate, as a friend, as a lover, Frank was perfect for me.
“I don’t hate you anymore.”
“Thanks.” I smiled and scratch my head. “So…”
“So.. “He took another sip of his coffee… “It’s over.”
“I guess so.”
We both took deeps breaths.
“What about the band?” I asked a little scared. He’s shocked with the coffee.
“Are you crazy??” He put the cup on the table “The band is the band that’s above everything.” I felt relief to hear that. “I just need time to recovered…you know, unless you want to find another guitar player.” He looked down.
“C’mon. You know we can’t replace you.”
“Yeah. I guess you can’t” We laughed together. “So modest”
“I’ve missed you, you know? Talking to you. I’ve missed my best friend” He said, there was this little light in his eyes that melts me inside.
“Me too.”
“So… “ He changed the subject abruptly “Do you have any material we can work on?”
“Well…” I didn’t want to tell him that I had like 3 billion song about him.
“I have a few things, maybe we can look up.” In that moment the bell rang
“Sorry” He stood and went to open the door.
“Hey” I heard a familiar voice
“Hello!”
It was Jamie. They held and he entered the kitchen
“Hey Gerard” He said with excitement when he saw me.
“Hi”. I gave him a small smile.
Frank had a brightness in his eyes and acted very hyperactive.
“How are you?” He asked me polite as always.
“Fine. Thanks”. There was an awkward silence. “So…” I broke the ice. “I guess I’ll see you around.” I wait for his answer.
“Yeah”. Jamie went to the sofa in the living room and sat there; he was obviously waiting for me to leave.
“See you.” I said walking to the door.
“Okay, maybe we can work on that song.”
“Yeah. Sure.”
“I’ll call you.” He stood at the door.
“Bye”. I got out the house. I heard laughs at the moment he close the door, I couldn’t leave, and I stayed there, trying to hear the conversation.
“So?” It was Frank’s voice.
“What?”
“C’mon don’t be a tease. Did you get it?”
“Yeah.. Front row man, backstage passes and everything!!!”
“Us and Iron Maiden. Great!!! This is so great!!!!” I heard Frank screaming in excitement.
I just started to walk to down the street, trying to get a taxi in dark Jersey.
I get into the first taxi I saw I search in my pockets for a cigarette and find it.
Two tickets. IRON MAIDEN. I put it in my pocket again and stared to look out the window on the way home.