Chapter 14

Gerard POV
I’m bleeding because of you honey.
Can you see the blood in the kitchen floor?
Is so sweet, we could have a drink.
I know. I broke your heart.
But I smashed mine
I put a rope around me.
I’m hanging cold in the dinner
I drank the black venom.
But it was already in me.
I gave it to you
The bullet I have in my head.
Is stopping me from thinking.
My brain is on the bathroom floor
1,2 ,5, 100 pills
Dead.
Sound like an easy way out.
But I don’t want to die a lone.
Will you come?

Let’s go burning together
Away
Away from this shit we call world.
Alone. Nobody judge us.
Six feet under there is no pain
Six feet under I still hear your breath.
Six feet under I hear your curse, baby.
Don’t hate me.
My ghost will come and kiss you in the night.
Don’t be afraid.
Don’t feel guilty
My heart forever yours.


I finished writing the song. It has passed a few days since the day Mikey found me. The worst part of leaving drugs is feeling like shit, wanted more, feel guilty for the people you have let down, for yourself.
Actually Mikey had moved in with me for a couple of days. I begged him not to. I felt bad for Alicia, but he insisted and said that it was Alicia idea. I didn’t believe him.
Mikey refused to tell me any news about Frank
“He’s okay” Was the only thing he told me.
“He’s acting like an asshole.” Some times that was all the information I got. At the beginning it drove me crazy, but as the time started to pass I realized that I was thinking less and less about Frank. He wasn’t there every second of the day in my head anymore. I concentrate on my comic and on writing; the problem was that all the lyrics had some relation to him.

How can I take you out? I’m going to smash my head though the wall.
You’re so inside me…



Frank POV

Leave me alone.
I don’t want you to see me like this
Leave.
Let me your smell
I have no legs
I have no hands
I have my brain that is fucked off
I don’t have eyes, I don’t want to see
I don’t have you, There is nothing new
I never had you, you were always shared
I hate you; I hate you not being here.
I hate your smell on me
I hate my stupidity
I hate your deceptiveness
I hate me.
I’m so incomplete.
Felt myself with out you
I hate you
I hate to see you and I hate not seeing you
I hate your voice and your silence
I hate your lies and your truth
I hate when you lie and I hate when I believe you
I hate…

“Mr Iero time for you exam” A nurse arrived with a wheelchair to take me to the exam room. She was pushing me in the wheelchair. I left the paper on the little table.
“So how are you feeling” She asked while she was pushing the wheelchair down the hall.
“My leg is better thank you, ready to run”
She laughed. “Oh Mr Iero”
“How many time have I told you, just call me Frank”
“Mr Frank” I giggle. “I’m ready to leave the fuc….I meant this hospital. I think you girls are keeping me here just to see my pretty face”She laughed again. “Here we are. The doctor will arrive in a few minutes”
“Okay”
I had that song in my head for days, I couldn’t get it right. I need the guys. We always write together, lyrics, chords. It was so hard.
“Hello Frank. How have you been?” I heard the voice of the always nice and beautiful Doctor Emma. She looked different lately, like more shiny.
“Great. I have hemorrhoids from spending so much time sitting. My leg is fine, the stitches are fine, I can control the attacks more”
She smiled. “One last test”
“Last? Are you serious Wohooo!!” I screamed.
“Yeah you can go in three days actually”
“That’s great!!!!!” I stoop up and held her. I cover my ass with the hospital robe when I retuned to the chair. She laughed.
“Where are your glasses?” I asked. She blushed.
“Ehh. I’m wearing contacts now. Let’s do the test”
“Okay” She did the brain scan..
After a few hours I was sitting on the sofa in my room reading a batman comic Ray had bought me.
“So, I have the results”
“And…”
“Well, I’m afraid...”
I cover my ears with my hands. “Don’t tell me I had to stay more time”
“No, but you need a surgery” She said serious.
“What?” I didn’t expect that.
There is a blood clot that is blocking a nerve in your occipital …she keep talking in technical terms that I didn’t understand.
“In English that mean that I need a surgery, to stop the attacks?”
“Actually yes.”
“But you said that wasn’t necessary.”
“The attacks are going to get worse, and you can have a permanent brain damage.”
“But I thought I was controlling them.”
”We can’t take the risk.”
“Is it dangerous?”
“All surgeries have risks” she avoiding eye contact with me.
“Is it dangerous???” I insist.
“Yes” She finally said in a very cold tone.
“But am I going to be fine after ward?”
“Like new.”
“Let’s do it.” I said excited. I can’t wait to be able of play again.
“Not that fast.”
“You said it was necessary.” Who understands women?
“Yeah but you need a least two months to recovering form the previous trauma, and run more test. You would probably like to ask for blood donations. You can’t smoke.”
“What?” Suddenly I felt dizzy.
“I’m going to be honest with you Frank. Only 30% of the people that do this kind of proceeds wake up afterwards,” she said very seriously.
I took a deep breath.
“Okay” I smiled. “Soon it’s going to be 31%.” I smiled at her again, but I couldn’t feel my legs. I was scared to dead.
“Just don’t tell my mum or anybody okay.”
“Sure”

The day I was getting out of the hospital my dad broke his foot trying to fix a lamp on the ceiling, so my mom couldn’t get me. So Brian came.
“Hi Frank.” I was sitting in the waiting room with my bags.
“Hey man.” He gave me a hug.
“Finally out.” He had this big grin on his face
“Yeah” I smiled. “Finally out” I really couldn’t believed that after all these months I was finally getting out of that bloody hospital.
“I have to come back for therapy” I made a repulsed expression.
Suddenly his face became sad. “I’m really sorry about the surgery” He put his hand on my shoulder.
“Thanks man.” Brian has been very supportive about everything since the accident and the whole process and now the surgery. Wait a second.
“How do you know about the surgery?”
He started to make faces trying to say something coherent.
“I…Ehhh. Your mum”
“She doesn’t know” I said looking straight to his eyes. He was pale
“Maybe Doctor Grumpy told her” He looked in other direction.
Suddenly I saw the light
“Dr. Powers told you!” I screamed.
“Shhhh. Don’t you know this is a hospital you can yell in here.” He looked around “Why would she tell me that anyway?” He was sweating.
“OH MY GOD” I scream again “You and her” I pointed at him. “That makes so much sense”
He pretend to laugh. “No way. You’re crazy. We are totally different. There is no way. You hear me, no way.”
“That’s why you disappeared anytime you came to the hospital and you’re dressing more decently.”
“No I’m not.” He crossed his arms.
“You two don’t fight anymore, or call each other names.”
“You’re fucking insane.”
“You have a girlfriend.” I said it in a childish way and pointed at him with my finger.
“She’s not my girlfriend!”
He tried to hide a laughed.
“You have a girlfriend” I started to sing.
“Dr Powers and Brian sitting in a tree…”
“Stop it” He pick up the bag and started to walk.
He froze.
“Oh.” She said.
“Hello Dr. Powers. Did you come to say goodbye?” I said from behind Brian
“Yes.” She exchanged looks with Brian
“What the hell” He thought my bags on the floor, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Some nurses stop and laughed. When they broke apart she was out of breath. She tried to appear mad.
“What are you….?”
“Stop pretending. He knows” He picked the bags again.
“I know” I said from the back
She was red. And even more when he gave her a quick kiss on the lips. “I’ll pick you at eight tonight.”
“Okay.” She managed to say.
We get to the car. “Brian has a girlfriend.” I said again as I was closing the car door.
He didn’t reply, just smiled.