Chapter 10

Mikey's pov

I hadn’t seen Gerard in a long time, he’d been locked up in the apartment he was renting in New York. I went to check on him.
I rung the doorbell. No answer. I rung the doorbell. No answer. I rung the doorbell. No fucking answer. This is ridiculous.
“Gerard open the door. I know you’re there. I can hear the music!” I shouted
No answer.
“You’ll have to come out eventually….”
What is that music? I’ve heard it somewhere…
I rang the doorbell once again. Nothing. What’s wrong with him?
I rang the bell again and again like crazy. Shit.
“Okay, I’m going to get in anyway!” I yelled. I turn the handle expecting to find a locked door. But it was open
That’s weird.
I entered the apartment. “Gerard?”
Then I recognized the music. Leathermouth, Frank’s other band. It was a demo, you can even hear Frank Talking in the cd
“Gerard?” The place was a mess. Broken glass, clothes on the floor, CDs all over the place. I entered into his room.
“Here you are.” He was asleep. His room was so messy and dark, like his old room back in Jersey . I went to the bed he was laying on and sat next to him. He was sleeping face down. I shookd him softly on the shoulder.
“Gerard?” I looked down to the floor and I saw something that made me feel cold and scared.
Shit.
There was a half empty bottle of vodka and a bottle of sleeping pills.
No.
“Gerard!!” I screamed. Please, God.
“GERARD!! Wake up!!” I screamed, shaking him strongly. I was going crazy trying to waking him up.
"HuMM?" Gerard groaned
Oh, thank GOD. I sat on the bed, relieved for a second
He turned slowly on the bed, scratching his head.
“God is busy in his shit, he doesn’t have time for us,”
“Do you have any idea…?” I was having trouble breathing normally.
“Mikey? What are you doing here”
I smelt the alcohol in his breath. “I thought you were better than this,” I took a deep breath.
“Relax, Mikey.”
“NO!” His relaxedness made me go mad. “You’re taking pills again and drinking!” My voice was full of despair. “Why?”
He looked directly at my eyes with the coldest expression. “You know why, Michael.” His face was dark.
“Are you really that weak?" I was angery now. I saw his tears but I couldn’t go back now. I had to be strong.
“I can’t do it,” He looked away for a moment. “I can’t live without him.” He said like a resolution. He had decided to stop trying.
“So, just like that, you stop fighting?”
“I love him so much, I just can’t do it.” He was in some kind of trance.
“You look so pathetic,”
“What can I do?”
“Get out of bed for start,” I felt like a father telling off his son.
“I can’t!” He hugged the pillow.
“What about not being afraid of walking this world alone?”
“I can’t,” He hid his head in the pillow
“Okay. That’s enough,” I stood up determinate how to get him out of his trance.
I grabbed him by the shoulders and pull him out the bed. He fell to the floor.
“NOOOO,” He screamed, trying to grab onto something.
“C’mon!” I don’t know where my strength came from, but I pulled him up and took him to the bathroom. He was fighting, trying to let go. I managed to get him into the bathroom.
“Enter,” I pointed to the bath.
He fell to the floor gain.
“Nooo,” He was laying on the floor, weeping.
I couldn’t stand it. All my worries were replaced by fury, How can he fall so low?
“Get up!” I yelled at him. I grabbed him by the waist and lifted him up off the floor and dragged him into the bathtub. Once he was inside I turned on the cold water. He screamed.
A couple of minutes passed until he was calm and not crying. I sat at the edge of the bath and turned off the water.
He was looking down.
“Where is my big brother?” He lifted his face and looked at me. “The one that taught me so many things,” I took a deep breath.
“I can’t see him in you anymore,” I gave him a towel and left. I started to collect the pills and the alcohol from his room. I brought everything out of the house and dropped it in the trash can. I got back and started to clean his room. He returned into the bedroom without t-shirt. I handed him some dry clothes. He just put them on. I went to the kitchen and made him some soup. When I was back in the room, I sat next to him and gave him the soup with a spoon.
“Here,”
He accepted the soup without a word.
“Mikey,” He finally spoke; he was still looking at the soup. “I’m sorry I’ve never been the brother you deserve?"
“Stop saying that. You are the best brother a guy like me can ask for,” I put my hand on his shoulder. “You are my best friend and everything I’ve always wanted to be,”
I saw the tears coming down his eyes. I wanted to cry to but I had to remain strong for him.
“I… “ He looked at me. “I screwed it all up,”
“You still can fix it,”
“He doesn’t love me anymore.” He resigned
“I’m not talking about him” I sighed. “I’m talking about you”
“There is no purpose” He focused his attention to the soup again. I couldn’t believe that he has lost his individuality so much.
“Gerard,” I tried to calm my self down, I didn’t wanted to yell at him anymore. “You have to start doing things for yourself and not for him. Thinking about you and stop making the world go round Frank Iero.” I started to get annoyed at Frank, what he had done to my brother?
“But I thought I lost him. Don’t you see?” OMG
“Gee, you did what you though was right. You made a mistake,”
“I can’t do this…” Not again
“Stop Gerard, no one dies for love; You don’t believe in that. Undying love, if it’s over it’s over” I sounded very practical and cold.
He looked at me in surprise.
“People can stop loving and is not the end of the world,” He remained silent.
“This is not the normal you, bro’, You don’t tie your existence to another person. Remember? Born as an individual don’t die as…”
“A follower,” He smiled sadly
After a couple of sips form his soup and looked at me again.
“I miss him”. He made a pained expression
“I know,” Damnit, stupid Frank, it's not that big deal. It broke my heart to see my brother, my blood suffering like that. I tried to sound understanding.
He bit his lower lip.
“It will pass, you know this. Remember with Grandma?”
“I know”. He cleaned a couple of tears.
“I just want to see you healthy,”
“I don’t know why I bought that bottle. I was thinking…..I don’t know what I was thinking,”
“I think you weren’t thinking.”
“I just want you to be ok, but for you, because you want to be okay. No one is going to love you if you don’t love yourself. You know this, You just have to remember it” I didn’t mention Frank at all.
“Whoa.” He opened his eyes widely and look at me surprised.
“What?” I looked behind me.
“You’ve grown. When did you become like this? Alicia did this?”
I laughed. “She wishes! I’ve been like this for a long time” I bit my lip a little and lowered my voice. “You were to busy to see it, I guess” Suddenly he held me.
“I love you Mikey” He said "Mikey" in the most loving way ever. I held him back. I noticed tears coming down my eyes. “I love you too.”