CHAPTER TWNETY-EIGHT

Flash back (Gerard POV)

I was sure this time; I was on my way to finished with her, it was time. I was so in love with Frank. I needed him. I realized that when I saw him with Jamie I couldn’t lose him. The last few days had assured that, I couldn’t breathe without that man!
I went to her bus.
“Lind-Z?”
“Hey baby...” She went to me to kiss me.
“Wait,” I stopped her. “We have to talk.”
I saw her face. She knew what was coming.
“Sit.” We sat on the couch, and I grabbed her hand.
“Lind-Z," I took a deep breathe. “I love you, I really do.” she smiled slightly. “You’re an amazing woman” I took another deep breathe. This was hard.
“But, there is someone else.”
I could see tears in her eyes.
“I can’t live a double life anymore.”
“Why HIM? He’s a guy!” She suddenly said.
“You know?” I was very surprised. “Is how thing are, honey,”
“I tried to not see it!” she was crying. “I knew it wasn’t just an act for the shows! But you can’t leave me, Gee.”
“I’m so sorry Lind-Z. I wish this could be different, but…”
“No.” She stood up. "You don’t understand, I can’t be alone right now!”
“You’ll find someone else” I remained seated.
“We have to be together!” She was acting like a child.
“Do you prefer to live a lie??” I was being serious now. She was annoying me. "I can’t….”
“But Gerard, you can’t leave...”
“Lind-Z, I thought you…” She didn’t let me finish.
“NO!” I started to get scared.
“Listen, I’m really sorry, I wish there will be a better way to do this, but there isn’t!” I stood too. “I’m in love with Frank.” I said proudly. “That is something that is not gong to change.”
“But you love me too...”
“Yeah, but still…Lind-Z, please”
“STOP! You can’t!”
“It’s over.” I said coldly. I went to the door, I was sick of her.
“I’m pregnant.” She broke apart and started to cry.
My heart stopped.
I stopped breathing.
My entire body froze in a second.
She was pregnant.
I go back slowly to the couch and sat.
“Lind-Z I….”
“You can’t leave me now, you just can’t….”
I started to cry too.
“It’s me and the child or him.”
“What? You can’t do that!” She was a blackmailer.
“I won’t let my child see that kind of behavior!”
She became soft again.
“Gerard I’m so scared please don’t let me do this alone!”
She was right, she was pregnant. How could I leave her like that, alone with a child?
But what about Frank? What about me?
I was being selfish, if I left her….
I had three choices. One leave Lind-Z and go to Frank, but she would never let me see the child. Two, leave Frank and tell him what was going on, or three, leave Frank without telling him the truth.
I knew Frank; I knew that if I told him the reason, he wouldn't give up. He would fight for me. I had to choose, but it wasn’t Frank or Lind-Z; it was Frank or my baby. I wanted my son to have all the chances in the world, what he will think of me being with Frank. Of leaving her mother for a guy?
My god, why was everything so complicated!
I felt like my head was going to explode.
“Okay” I finally said.
“Okay?” Her eyes light up. She held tight me “We’ll figure this things out Gee, I promise. We’ll be happy.”
I pretended to smile.
Then I said one of the stupidest things ever.
“We should get married...” Stupid, stupid, stupid, Gerard!
“Oh my god!!!” She kissed me in the lips. I smiled at her.
Before we got married I had to tell Frank. I went to the bus. I don’t know how I manage not to cry when I saw him sleeping in the bunk. He was probably waiting for me.
He suddenly opened his eyes and saw me sitting next to him.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” I tried to hide the sorrow in my voice.
“It’s okay.” He woke up, rubbing his beautiful eyes. Did he know How beautiful he was?!
I kissed him fully in the lips, taking his mouth by surprised and heating our bodies with a passionate kiss. I needed him.
“So, did you…” He asked, breaking the kiss apart.
I shut him up, putting my fingers in his lips. I had to kiss those lips again.
“Gerard, what’s wrong?” He broke apart one more time. He could sense it. Damn, he knew me too well.
“Nothing.” I couldn’t tell him right know. I needed him. I needed to have him.
I kissed him again, and laid on top of him.
“Hey, what if someone comes?” He asked a little nervous.
I ignore him. In my mind the voice [i]'Frank you don’t know but . This is our last night together.'[/i] I started to kiss his neck, searching for his sensitive spot.
“Gerard...” He managed to say. The sound of my name excited me even more. I took off both of our shirts. “I love you.” I froze. This was too painful.
“I love you so much.” He said again. I looked at him. I had to tell him. But I couldn't. I tried to kiss him again.
He grabbed my face with his hands.
“Say it.” He forced to look at him. “Gee?” I wanted to cry.
“I love you Frankie, more than you imagine.” My heart broke, I was using him. I was damaging him.
He gave me a smile, the sweetest smile in the world. I felt my soul shrink.
We made love, the most beautiful love ever, the most amazing, our bodies in perfect harmony, I reached the stars I went back; it was beautiful. As we reached an orgasm together, I collapsed over him, I could not believe that I wouldn't feel that sensation ever again. I started to cry.
“Gee? Are you crying?” He asked me.
“No.” I lay next to him and tried to control my self. I cleaned the tears off my face.
“You’re crying! What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m very happy.” He kissed me slightly on the lips and felt sleep next to me.
I let the tears come freely then.


After that everything was like another dimension. We found a minister from nowhere. She married us, only Ray was there. Everything went so quickly. I posed for the picture. I even smiled for the picture.
“Come to my bus.” She said in a seductive way.
“I have to talk to him.”
She let me go unhappily.
In my way to the bus I was thinking in all the possible explanations I could give him.
He wouldn’t understand my decision
He would fight, He would cry, he would plead. He would hate me.
'[i]He’s going to hate you anyway.[/i]' A little voice inside my head said. '[i]If you could find a way to push him away. [/i]'
In that moment, in that precise moment, I saw a light. I’ll make him hate me. My brain must be a little off, because I was about to break the heart of the man I loved the most, and mine in the process.