CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

I woke up in a bed.
“Gerard?” I asked.
“Are you okay?” I heard a familiar voice, but it wasn’t Gerard. I tried to open my eyes.
It was Jamie.
I sat on the bed and rubbed my eyes with my hands, trying to wake up.
“What happened?" I asked, confused.
“You passed out outside the bus after fighting with Gerard I believe.” He told me calmly.
“Where is he?” I still didn’t get it
“There is a party in one of the other rooms for his…”
“Wedding.” I completed his sentence. For a second I thought this whole thing could be a nightmare, but it wasn’t. I felt like I had fallen from a building and crashed on the pavement. Reality rushed back to me.
Gerard had left me. Gerard had used me. Gerard had used me like his sex toy. He never loved me. I felt like a piece of crap.
“Frankie?”
Tears appeared again.
“I’m so sorry.” He had the sweetest and tenderest face in the world.
“He used me, Jamie.” I broke down. He held me close and rubbed my back gently. “He never loved me.” I was sobbing so much, it was hard for me to talk. “He said it. It was only sex. He only used me!!!” I exploded into tears. Jamie held me even tighter.
“Shhh. It’s okay. C’mon cry...”
I cried like a child for the next 30 minutes on his shoulder. He held me the whole time. When my eyes had no more tears left, he took my face in his hands.
“Are you better now?”
“No.” I said softly. He wiped my tears away and kiss me on the cheek.
“I wish I could help you, but I can´t mend your heart sweetie.” He gave a little smile.
“Thanks.”
“You should sleep, you have a show tomorrow.”
“I can’t!” I started to panic. ”I can’t face him.” My body started shaking. “I can’t!”
“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out something.” He put his hand on my shoulder.
“No, It’s not okay. Jamie,” I stood up. “I want to die.” I looked straight into his eyes.
“Listen to me Frank,” He also stood up and faced me. “You’re not the first person whose heart has been ripped apart by a guy!” He grabbed me by the shoulder and shook me a little. “You have to be strong, and survive this.”
“I’m not strong.” I said looking at the floor and crying again.
“Yes you are!” He made looked at him again. “I believe in you. You can do this.”
He caressed my cheek. I felt safe with him. We held each other one more time as I cried again.
“Why, Jamie? Why me?” I whisper in his ear. “I’m such a jerk. This is entirely my fault.”
“It’s not your fault!” He broke the embrace and looked at me again. “He is the jerk. He is the asshole, not you!”
“But I believed him!” I was about to break down again.
“He fools us all.” He held my hands and squeezed. “C’mon you have to sleep.”
He gave me a pill. “It’ll help...”
“I don’t want any pills.”
“Nothing illegal. It’ll help you relax.” He gave the pill and brought a glass of water. “C’mon take it.” I didn’t have much of a choice, so I took the fucking pill and laid on the bed.
Jamie lay next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I was still crying.
My head was a mess. The words keep repeating in my head, mixed with the memories of us having sex and kissing, the past few days enjoying ourselves. It didn’t make sense. I knew Gerard from a long time. How could he trick me so much? I felt dizzy again. But the pills started to take effect, in a moment I was sleep.