chapter twelve

An hour later, we all were on the bus, except Gerard and Brian, no one talked of the fight. I was sitting on the couch, thinking of the recent events. Why did he do that? We had our fights in the past of course. Everyone has disagreements, but we never got this violent.
I was mad at him, but I was also concerned and worried. I was furious with him, I was furious with me, furious with the world, furious with Lind-Z. I was so lost in thought, I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep, until something woke me up.
“IERO!”
It was Gerard. He never called me by my last name. I stood to face him.
“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?” He screamed. He had never talked to me like that, never. It was a like a totally different person.
“Hey man, cool off.” Ray stood between us.
“THAT’S WHAT I’M ASKING!” I yelled back, ignoring Ray, I let that my fury flow.
“COULDN’T YOU BEHAVE FOR ONE FUCKING NIGHT?”
“OH! BECAUSE YOU PROMISED TO YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ACT “NORMAL” FOR ONE NIGHT?!” Now, Ray was trying to stop for us from starting to fight.
“YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO PUSH ME GERARD!”
Mikey and Bob was also yelling for us cool off.
“I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SONG!"
“I’VE ALWAYS DONE THE SAME, REMEMBER IN FAMOUS LAST WORDS VIDEO? OR WHEN I KICKED YOU IN THE BUTT?” The fury was growing.
“AND I PROMISED TO HER, BUT I GUESS THAT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU!”
“OH, LOOK WHO IS TALKING ABOUT KEEPING PROMISES?”
He shut up for a moment.
“You’ll apologize to her” He wasn’t yelling now.
“What? Hell no! I won’t apologized with that bitch.”
“WHAT?” He stepped forward to punch me.
“What you’re going to hit me? Come do it in the face, I suppose you can’t hurt me more that you’ve already done!” Now I wasn’t talking about the fight. The other guys looked confused. Gerard put hand hand down. “You’re such a fake Gerard” I said venomously, shaking my head.
“Shut up” He looked at me.
“You go and keep pleasing your little girlfriend like everyone expects!"
“Shut the fuck up!”
“Guys...” Mikey said in a pleading tone. “You’re acting like children. C’mon, we’re family” But we didn’t listen what Mikey said.
“I’m sick of her.” I said with a disgusted expression.., "I’m sick of you” I wanted him to know how much I despised him at that moment.
“I said shut up!” He said again. Now Ray was between us again and Gerard was crazy.
“Just keep lying about who you are.” I said in the coldest tone I could muster.
“Shut up, you stupid piece of shit!”
Mikey gasped at Gerard words, he was surprised that would say something like that to me. I just looked at him. Even Gerard realized what he had said. He lowered his head.
I pushed Ray away and took off, leaving the bus behind. I heard Bob calling me,
“Frank, come back!” I didn’t stop; I knew where the hotel we were staying at was, and headed there.
I wasn’t even crying
---

A couple of hours later, after a hot bath and a session of crying over my pathetic life, I was watching TV, trying to let go of the fury and pain that was threatening to over take me.
I heard a knock on the door.
“Who is it?” I asked from the bed.
“Jamie.” I heard from the other side of the door. I let him in and returned to my previous position on the bed watching at the TV screen.
“Do you want to talk?” He sat on the edge of the bed.
“No, actually.” I was still looking at the TV.
“Well, I owe you a drink remember?”
“I’m not…”
“You don’t have to say anything. We’ll just have a beer, okay?” He looked at me with those blue eyes and smiled in the way that only Jamie could smile. He turned off the TV.
“Hey, I was watching that…!”
“Yeah right, what were you watching?” He gave me a smirk.
“Ehhh….Oprah?” I raised an eyebrow, smiling a little, I had no idea what was on the TV.
“Come on lets have a beer.”
“Okay.” I said in resignation and sat on the bed.
He pulled two beers out from his rucksack. He didn’t ask me anything about the fight with Gerard and we drank the beer quietly. Just his presence made me feel better; it was nice to have company. In a weird way I felt connected with Jamie, he was sweet, a good listener and funny.
“Do you think someone can love two people at once?” I suddenly broke the silence.
“Maybe,” He looked at the ceiling thinking. “In different ways.” He took another swig of his beer. “You can love different aspects of two people.” He gave me the sweetest smile ever. “Or…” He bit his lip nervously.
“Or?” I felt anxious. “What?”
“A person can love one, and use the other”
I was looking down. It hurt to think that Gerard was using me in a sexual way.
“But that’s not the case. I think he loves you both.”
My eyes grew widerm
“And he's is a selfish asshole. You deserve something more...” He stroked my face.
I looked at him like I didn’t understand what he meant,
“Come on, You and Gerard.”
I went red.
“He has to choose” He finished his beer.
“I love him so much. I don’t want to lose him.” I said, quietly.
“Look at yourself, you look pathetic crying at his stupidity. You’re hurting your self.”
"But, what if he doesn’t choose me? "
“If he loves you, he’ll choose you, if he don’t then he doesn’t deserve you, and you’ll move on.”
“I’ll be lost without him.” I looked down. He took my chin in his hand and raised my face.
“That’s risk you have to take.”
I knew he was right.